Keeping young women from going woke

While speaking at a recent event, I was asked a question that I had never heard put so bluntly before—and its bluntness was the point.

A father raised his hand and asked: How do we keep our daughters from going woke? He wasn’t sneering. He wasn’t angry. He was worried and earnest. And he was perceptive enough to name what many parents and pollsters are quietly noticing: a cultural current that seems to be pulling young women, in particular, toward ideological extremes marked by grievance, emotionalism, and a commitment to progressivist social justice.

The answers I gave that night—and the ones I’ve refined after giving it deeper consideration—are not meant to be insulting or patronizing to young women. Some of them apply just as much to men as they do women. They are about paying attention to the hidden forces of formation, of the necessity for vigilance in the face of daunting emotional pressures, and the necessity of self-awareness to keep one’s perspective balanced.

That work begins where all Christian parenting must begin—unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. That means prayer is the foundation of the Christian parent. Parents are not sovereign over their children’s hearts. God is. Any attempt to shape moral reasoning without dependence on Him and His Word is doomed to either pride or despair.

But prayer does not replace responsibility, either. Prayer should order our priorities so that Christian parents rightly form the worldviews of their daughters.

Here are several principles that matter if we want daughters who can resist the woke “pull” and are reasonable rather than reactive, compassionate rather than gullible, and courageous rather than ideological.

First, ground them in truth before you train them to spot falsehood. The same is true for young men. Too many parents focus on warning their children about “bad ideas” without first immersing them in what is good, true, and beautiful. The result is often a reflexive anti-ism rather than moral clarity grounded in Scripture. Bank tellers are trained to recognize counterfeit bills by handling real money all day long. The false becomes obvious when the true is familiar. Scripture, doctrine, and the moral logic of Christianity must be the air our children breathe—not merely the rules they occasionally hear.

Second, teach them that their emotional register is a moral gift—but not an infallible guide. Young women are often especially attuned to suffering, vulnerability, and injustice. That is not a liability. It is a God-given strength tethered to a woman’s unique aptitude for nurturing. But the urge to nurture, or empathy detached from truth, becomes a weapon—sometimes used by others, sometimes turned inward to unhelpfully ruminate on wayward emotions. Feelings tell us that something matters, but they do not tell us what is right. If empathy is not governed by reality and Scripture, it will be exploited by ideologies that reward outrage and punish discernment.

Third, encourage better influences—marked by clarity rather than hysteria. Yes, young women should hear wise female voices who model courage without grievance. Parents need to be aware of who their younger daughters are going to for political commentary online. But they also need exposure to faithful pastors, responsible male teachers, and the broader communion of saints within a local church. The goal is not gendered echo chambers; it is moral maturity from the confluence of sources that make that more likely. Influence should be evaluated not by how loudly it signals virtue or “identifies with the marginalized” (which is often a very subjective category), but by how faithfully it conforms the mind to truth.

Fourth, cultivate sober-mindedness at home. Sober-mindedness is the ability to process emotions under the governance of reason rather than allowing feelings to rule the will. This is not learned by osmosis, nor is it developed in crisis. Soldiers are not trained by being thrown directly into war. Parents must practice this at home—by discussing controversial issues calmly, modeling restraint, and teaching children how to reason calmly and persuasively rather than reactively.

Fifth, train them in mature moral reasoning. Maturity means holding multiple truths at once. Take the recent controversies in Minnesota. Police officers can make mistakes, and protesters can behave foolishly. Systems can be flawed, and personal responsibility can still matter. Teach basic logic. Teach how arguments are constructed. Teach how fallacies work. Read serious books together that mature the mind. Social media rewards speed and emotion; it is excellent for manipulation and terrible for wisdom. Teach them to hold simultaneous truths in their minds all at once, a technique that our society deems impossible because of tribal pulls.

Sixth, encourage marriage and family formation without embarrassment. A woman’s inclination toward nurturing, protection, and moral concern will almost always be expressed somewhere. If it is not ordered toward family and concrete responsibility, it is often redirected toward abstract causes that reward emotional intensity without requiring covenant, obligation, or permanence. This helps explain why ideological “social justice” movements disproportionately attract unmarried women: They offer meaning, moral purpose, and belonging—without the disciplining realities of lifelong commitment.

Again, most of what is above applies just as much to men. This is not a dismissal of single women, nor a reduction of women to domestic roles. It is a sober observation on how human faculties function in the momentand how, if we are not vigilant, unique moments are primed to co-opt those faculties. It is a reflection on the beautiful, God-given gifts, aptitudes, and inclinations that the Lord has graciously bestowed on females.

None of this is about disparaging women. It is about taking women seriously—seriously enough to tell the truth about moral formation, about the governance of empathy by truth, and about the difference between compassion and gullibility.

If we want daughters who can stand firm in a woke age, formation under Biblical wisdom—not social justice vibes—has to come first.